Continuing in our working mom series, something I want to start off before talking about this topic is I know that I am blessed to have a healthy marriage and husband who is 50/50 with me in this parenting thing. This post is to those who are married. I know there are many single moms out there giving it 150% and don’t have the luxury of a parenting partner. This post is for those that do.
Co-Parenting is a MUST
My husband and I have been married for 17 years. We had almost 5 years of being kid-free before we had our first child. Since that beloved day, 12 years ago – it’s been non-stop crazy town. We now have 4 kids. We had a set and then waited 5-years and had another set. So 4 kids, 12-years-old and younger and 2 full-time working parents. In order to make this whole family thing happen – it requires both my husband and myself to be all-in.
From dishes to carpool, my husband and I are in this whirlwind thing called parenting. Co-parenting is a must. It’s so not easy. There are days I so don’t want to do the dishes and neither does he, so the dishes don’t get done. Laundry piles up. Kids are late to school. But it’s not because one of us gave up – we are in this together and know that without us both trying, our family would be a TOTAL wreck (rather than almost wreck.)
When I was working from home as a contractor, while my husband helped as much as he could – I was able to pull more of the weight. As I shifted back to the full-time daily grind – husband has totally stepped up his game.
We take turns when kids are sick staying home. We juggle car pool depending on my husband and I’s schedules. We call each other on the way home to discuss what’s for dinner and who is picking up or cooking what. It’s chaos. Beautiful chaos.
Negotiation and Agreeing to Disagree
SO we all know that parenting is tough – and you know what else is? MARRIAGE. While I would love to say that we sit down and just write out who does what and life goes on. Nope.
My husband and I are both level headed people who have been married since we were babies. I once had a boss who said, “how sweet, you are raising each other.” Yes, that’s basically it. That said, fighting really isn’t our thing anymore. We got over that hump in our 20’s. BUT just because we don’t fight, doesn’t mean we always agree.
We agree to disagree.
Especially when it comes to this parenting thing.
- Bed times
Lawdy, the list goes on. Negotiation and being okay not “winning” all the battles – it’s okay, because at the end of the day – I want this guy on MY TEAM. And in our house, the kids TOTALLY out number us, so I need all the help I can get.
One thing we do regularly is date nights. We have a sitter we can call when we have scheduled plans. And we have found a gym in the area that does regular parent’s night out each Friday and Saturday. We have no excuse not to make time for our marriage. Stepping away from the kids, even if it does cost us a small fortune is cheaper than divorce. I credit date nights to keeping our marriage strong and us having sometime to disconnect and be together without the kids.
Don’t forget to laugh. Kids provide all kinds of comic relief. Instead of getting mad, just LOL.
Co-parenting. It’s a total must.
Do you and your husband co-parent? Is it 50/50? 30/70? 80/20?